OUTLINING TIME

The writing project at present will take a year to finish. This is neither my dissertation nor my personal project (I have on file an ambitious musical, a YA novel, and a Romance). In fact, this is a commissioned book-length testimony of an establishment. When this project came to me, I thought that God is now preparing me for more rigorous writing like this. That is, novel writing. While I know all my limitations as a writer of this particular kind of text, I am nevertheless happy. I have been excited in interviewing  people who will eventually become characters or points of views in the final book product. I’ve been saying that I want to live by writing. But writing is really, really,  really hard work.

Right now, what I need is a tentative thread that will connect all the dots of the results of my interviews and readings of related documents. At the moment and all moments after this, I will need a resolve to just sit down and write. I need silence. I need ant-like diligence — no procrastination, only an anticipation that the weather will not always be bright, so I better stock up for the rainy day. (I am mixing metaphors and It’s pathetic but you get the point).

I have never been diligent. Proof is this blogging while I’m supposed to be writing the outline of this commissioned book, because this outline is due this very week. While I feel blessed that I have this library space where I can sit down from 10 to 5, and write, I yet have to have used that time for writing. However, by 1:50 PM, what writing I’ve accomplished so far is of an invoice for my last translation job. From 11 when I arrived here, and onward up to this time of blogging — I was just reading my emails, deleting all sheer promotional campaigns and leaving the important ones. One important email is a heads up on a linguistic validation, and this of course is important because if this project materializes, I will need to adjust all the commissioned-writing schedule in favor of this lucrative venture. Another email informs me that I will be teaching art appreciation and literature of the Philippines next term, on a Thursday. On Fridays, I will teach Research and Writing in another school. This then, would leave Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday as the remaining slots for writing this commissioned project.

On Saturdays I should rest — unless, of course, I pursue the dissertation moving on towards final defense on all those Saturdays from January to April. Time sprints. But as a marathon runner, as I think I am more of rather than a sprinter, I will have to allow for more pauses along the way to catch my breath and see how many miles I’ve covered (mixing metaphors again). Hopefully, those rests will not compromise even the deadliest deadline of this present writing commission.

So, please help me God.

BLOG ON BLOGGING ABOUT WRITING

This is just to say that this is still my page for the adventure of trying as much as I can to do what I can in the time that I have to write and write, so help me God. The ongoing project is the dissertation, in which I am supposed to present the proposal for this poetry collection on the third week of June, and as of now, I have not even gotten back to the draft. But I do write the poems, mostly on Sunday morning before I attend the 9:00 AM church service. (Yes, I go to Robinson’s Forum at 7 AM and scribble on my green- apple, spring notebook sitting behind one of those empty, round, white tables at the fast food corner on the third floor of FORUM, or I go to “country style” outside for the air condition.) But sometimes, I just revise what I’ve written the previous Sunday, so that the poems now number maybe 10 or 15 , with at least 5 in revision and the rest in their semi-confident final form. I have to get back at each poem’s structure/form though. I am discovering that lineation is one of my weaknesses, when I’m not doing poems in specific rhyme schemes.

I have also tried the following:

First, I submitted a proposal to URCO, and the research panel there said I should think about my research project more, so I can be specific and focused. Their question was: “What does she really want to do?”

What indeed? But I know what I want to do —  a collection of poems/monologues of /or about some women in the Bible, those which the Bible is silent on. That is, sometimes, they don’t even have names in the biblical account, sometimes, they are catalysts for major events (the Levite’s concubine in Judges), sometimes, they are a case study of a certain suffering (Jeptha’s daughter in Judges). So their stories are merely mentioned. I wrote in the proposal that my creative work is going to be extra-biblical, meaning, that the monologues will be a product of my understanding of women’s psychology, and not of Bible exegesis. I am sure, though, that the panel is right in asking for the names of these women. What is certain is that they are not going to be about Bathsheba, or Ruth, or Sarah, or Hannah — the well known ones. But Peninah will be among them, the one Elkanah loved less in spite of her fertile womb. And that mother whose son David executed, and who was described as merely present there, watching her son die, wailing – she will be in the collection too. But the rest of them, I still have to find.

Second, I tried submitting poems to Likhaan Journal, and of course, I am not really confident about those poems. But what will I lose except the coveted byline?

Third, I’m still on BIANCA’s DIARY, for this is the major project in the perpetual works. But more and more, things about her character are getting blurry. What will happen to this kid? How am I going to proceed telling her tale? Shall I write one short story at a time as I conceive them, and then later turn them into chapters? This may be the best way to go considering that I am worst at plotting. Yet, as soon as I discover a situation (on Sunday afternoons during my brainstorming after the church service at around 12:00 PM onwards), I get overwhelmed by the immensity of the task of creation! Bianca has to evolve and here I am, still piecing her fragmented portrait in my mind.  But there’s only  one way to go — forward — with a struggle.

THE DREAM

I dream to publish Christian fiction, to become one of the cultivators of the field for sowing seeds of the Word and for harvest. I dream of working with creative writers of similar persuasion, with visionary editors,  and with passionate artists/geeks/techies who will package the books. I dream of publishing on a three tier basis, for the very young, for teenagers, and for young adults. I dream of children’s books and young adult novels populated by struggling and victorious Christians, full dimensional characters dealing with current issues even while they’re young. I dream of affordable novelettes that will find their way to readers even in the remotest island of the Philippines. I dream of big novels that can compete with the bestsellers of the reading world. I dream of translators who will take the stories to their localities. I dream of a sustainable publishing business that will bring other similarly inclined idealists together. With other visionaries, I dream of leaving a legacy of wisdom-based texts. I dream this dream and I pray this dream because I can dream can’t I?

MY WRITING CALENDAR

Maybe if I make this public then I will be more accountable. This Term leaves me with only Monday and Wednesday morning, with the Mondays more unflexible because the beginning of the week is always sluggish (here I go again, providing time allowances which I think I don’t need). But really, what happens on these vacant hours of teaching? Preparations for the next day’s lessons, is what happens. So this leaves me with only Friday, a day I should dedicate to writing, and Saturday, a day I should spend solely for research and finalization of my overdue dissertation proposal. Sunday is a time to meander and write poetry. I should have more Sunday places to go to (preferably inexpensive cafes), since home isn’t always the best place to write.

As for night time, I am usually tired; besides, the little child at home demands attention that this is also the only time to play with him and read him stories. Meanwhile, the early hours of the morning (possibly 3 to 6 AM) are usually the most profitable hours for online editing and proofreading jobs that usually come after midnight.

So this calendar could work.

Technically, following this disclosure, I should be working on my dissertation today instead of this blog. Yet the main reason I’m here now is that I wasted yesterday on a Filipino teen romance movie, by director Jadaone, and so I wasn’t able to write. (On second thought, I can say that I watched that movie for research, after all, I’m writing a YA novel — for and about teens…) Yesterday, a supposedly writing day, I commuted to a friend’s house because I was craving for sleep. I was thinking that since I could not sleep longer at home, that maybe, I could go to my friend’s place and sleep there — but she wasn’t there and I ended up on the road again, back in a mall, overspending on ice cream because it was too hot. By 7 PM, I was so tired of my useless adventure that I could not even play long with the toddler.

The reason for the lack of sleep is a TV series. For three consecutive nights now, I’ve been watching “When the Heart Calls” on Netflix. I really like this inspirational series, but this meant that for three days now, I have been sleeping at around 2AM, usually after watching at least three episodes. Of course, I’ve been waking up late and last night, I wasn’t able to answer calls for online jobs. So I’m here today, using the university library’s computer, to meet the deadlines I missed .

Of course, the question remaining is: when will I ever read? A regular time for reading should have a slot in this calendar. But now, I only have Sunday night left. Reading should be a worthwhile thing to do overnight before the busy weekdays. Hopefully, I can be focused on my reading fare and not waste any more hours.

So help me God.